I met my husband in grade school. He was in fifth grade when I was in fourth. We became “Facebook official” my 10th grade year of high school and have been inseparable ever since. Like many high school sweethearts, our relationship has experienced it’s fair share of trials, tribulations and milestones. It is my personal belief that you either grow in the same direction or grow apart. We were determined to grow together.
“We were determined to grow together.”
My husband popped out of his home office one day in between work calls and asked me a sweet but strange question, “am i good husband?” I sat up from where I was sitting and blinked at him, confused. “Of course,” I responded and he smiled at me. “Good” he said, “because I wakeup every day and try to think of ways I make your life better.” He kissed my forehead and went back to what he was doing, while I was left with a heart that now resided in my stomach and tears which prickled my eyes.
A Mother’s Sentiment
It’s funny what can happen when sons listen to their mothers. You never know what piece of advice, in all the knowledge you hope to pass down to them, just might stick. I remembered exactly where my husband got that selfless and loving philosophy from. It came from my in-laws, who are the perfect example of what marriage can look like at its best. It was Thanksgiving Day and we were huddled together in the kitchen watching my father-in-law, Andy, cook an elaborate feast. This is where we always congregated during family holidays. It wasn’t the best space for entertaining. The living room would definitely have been more comfortable. There were two chairs and one was reserved for the matriarch of the family, my mother-in-law, Bonnie. The second chair was commonly fought over between myself, my husband, and his other two siblings. The rest of us had to sit on the floor and accept our defeat.
“What can I do to make Andy’s life better today?”
Bonnie Hunter
We didn’t sit in the kitchen because it was practical. We sat there because it was where Bonnie wanted to be – close to Andy while he quietly worked and listened to our conversation in the background. I sat cross legged on the kitchen floor next to my husband. It felt familiar and safe. The topic of that day was discussing what we were thankful for – a true Hallmark moment. When it came for Bonnie’s turn, she spoke about Andy. What she said warmed me and has stuck with me to this day. She told us she was thankful for Andy and the partnership they have. She said she strived to the best partner for him possible and that each morning when she woke up, she’d ask the question, “What can I do to make Andy’s life better today?” I glanced across the kitchen to see Andy smiling while he peeked at the turkey baking in the oven.
“It’s a question that I’ve been asking myself each morning for over 25 years,” Andy added. They both exchanged a long, meaningful expression. Their eyes held each other for a moment and it felt intrusive to watch, so I lowered my gaze down to my hands. I felt my husband nudge me from the side, but I didn’t look up. I felt guilty, maybe even a little shameful. I couldn’t recall a time where I asked myself the question that my in-laws ask daily. In fact, most days I could find myself thinking of all the things my husband doesn’t do for me.
I finally looked at my husband who squeezed my arm gently. He knew what I was thinking and gave me a soft smile that washed away a little of my guilt. We could both do better, and we knew that. We all have our spurts of altruism, especially when it comes to holidays or birthdays. It’s easy on those days to do something kind for the person you love, but what about the other days of the year? Aren’t those the days that really matter? The time in between?
“At the end of our lives, will we actually care about all the dirty laundry? I have a feeling we won’t.”
The conversation I had with my in-laws was nearly three years ago and it’s directly impacted my marriage to this day. There are times when I still have be reminded of their message (thank-you to that sweet husband of mine for staying constant in those efforts), but I feel so incredibly fortunate to have learned this early in my marriage. It’s easy to react to dirty clothes being tossed in a bathroom closet (instead of the hamper) for the third day that week. It’s difficult to just pick the clothes up and not say anything because you know your husband, who works 12 hour days and wakes up at 6am to go to the gym every morning, probably meant well when he tossed them in there. But at the end of our lives, will we actually care about all the dirty laundry? I have a feeling we won’t.
jenhunterwrites 